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life will be better.

life will be better when i accept that i cannot possess the beloved. i already belong. and the beloved has not misplaced me. when i flail about, feeling wrong or lost, the beloved is there. every time i seek, i am only pretending to forget that love does not hide.

the beloved indulges my need to feel rejected, lonely and unworthy so i may return to love when i am good and ready, not a moment sooner. my urgent need to possess love is a game i play until i exhaust myself and am ready to come home. my hopes, dreams, fears and expectations unfold the path that brings me to love, each and every time. what feels like wandering is just the spiral that shows me the beloved’s many forms. and when i tire of the bright lights and the masks and the drama, love reveals my own face in the dark.

love is there in the arms that don’t reach for me, in the eyes that don’t see me, and the hearts that don’t choose me. the beloved is on either side of the glass. in sun and shade. in sickness and health. in every full house and empty room. in silence and song. when what’s new becomes old and what’s old i finally and bravely outgrew. because when the day comes to remind you there is only the beloved, you will begin to see how the beloved is everywhere and nowhere at once.