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the striving.

do you want to be the person that would be happier with more? or the person that can be happier with less? are we jealous of the person who has 58 of the thing (with more on the way) or the one who only needs ten? what feels better? insatiable or simple?

the answer might feel different from the top of the mountain as compared to the view from base camp, where you’re still assessing the vertical distance to a peak that’s barely visible. but there’s a blindness that arises in the striving, even as it fills our days with longing and animates the future with hope. they say that “the mountain is in you” and that no one can take away the version of you that makes her way to the top. that’s true.

but how many mountains do you need to climb to be happy? to find peace? how many mountains until you can go home and sit with yourself? how many mountains until you’ve earned your rest?

there’s an emptiness at the top of the mountain. and it matches the emptiness inside you. it’s an echo of the emptiness that existed before anything existed. it’s the emptiness of God.

and if you want to continue to fill that emptiness with people and experiences and accomplishments and 58 of the thing, then that emptiness will continue to feel like lack. you’ll find that it empties into a black hole. very scary. if you can meet it for what it is, it might still be scary, but this might also be the exact invitation to draw the curtain, and dissolve the illusion that obscures the real you.