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how many?

how many tower moments? when what you built comes crumbling down? how many until you can no longer hide behind your accomplishments? until you’re forced to look at yourself? when you realize that the answer won’t come from the outside because if it did, you would have found it or earned it or bought it by now?

how many tries until you can sit with yourself without running away? not because it’s fun but because escape has always put you right back to where you started? how many chances will you give until your coping mechanisms stop working?

how many books and how many gurus until you become your own light? when you realize that the underground forest does not let you out until you’re naked and illuminated from within?

and once you’re out, how many days will you bargain and resist before you accept that your only job now is to surrender, to offer yourself as a living meditation? that you must now be brave enough to live from love instead of fighting from the old habit of fear? to live from your heart, guided by faith, to protect your peace and act from center, radiating only what is aligned and true? it’s you versus you, not you versus the world. real you versus old you. it is completely unglamorous and not at all what they sell you, so it will not be as you thought.

how many tears until your vision becomes discernment and you embrace what feels like the hardest thing ever?

you’ll receive as many as you need to finally thrive in the exact same body that taught you to survive.