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more than before.

certain blessings come into your life so whole, complete and beautiful that all you want is exactly what came …and for it to never leave. it delivers you back into the body and gently into the present. all is well, even if not much else has changed; life is still life, but that’s how it heals you.

this is the power of a prayer finally answered. a prayer so ancient and threaded so deeply into the soul that it doesn’t need words. if you asked once, you probably asked 1,000 times, so you don’t ask anymore. the desire is present in every breath; the universe already knows. and if you’re lucky, eventually it comes, unannounced and unplanned. by the time your prayer has become nothing more than a distant ache, a limp no one notices, not even you, the blessing arrives like a fog that lifts suddenly and all at once, rendering life in prismatic technicolor for the very first time. all of a sudden, everything makes sense.

that’s why, when it has to leave, all that registers is betrayal on every possible level. and now you’re presented with a choice that somehow is not really a choice at all. because you made it this far. you had it for a little while. and it’s gone now, even if you can’t understand. you can’t pretend that you won’t go on. so you do. in spite of yourself. for an intolerable number of days, minutes, hours, until it dawns on you: had this blessing rooted too early, it would have capped your desire. you would have been happy (so happy) but you would have wanted only that, and nothing more. your only desire would have been that your blessing remain and that it remain with you. only when it leaves do you get to have everything. it’s only in the aftermath that you can want what you want (what you always wanted) and better, and more, and all the universe intends for you.

grief gives way to expanded desire and it clears a channel for more. confusion becomes art. loss becomes clarity. pain becomes hope becomes faith becomes devotion becomes more than you were before.