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let’s talk.

from the very first moment, we both know i hit the ground hard and fast, feet first. for decades i fought, navigated the maze, and fell into every trap. consciously unconsciously reaching for people, places and things to create obstacles between us.

maybe i was angry. angry to be separate; angry this is what it meant to exist. either way, the fire became a flood and my fuel to burn. but nothing worked. none of the fixing, pleasing, achieving, not even the pain and not even the pleasure. no distraction, no semblance of purpose, no earthly delight could stand. everything always taken away. everything with a truer face to be revealed in time. sometimes a game, sometimes a test, sometimes training, though never punishment.

there were times of forgetting. times i thought the pursuit was mine. not true. the pursuit was you. i’d been running and i didn’t know who it was that chased. but i know now. it was you, the Beloved. seeking me, wanting to talk. you already knew it would have to wait until i was good and ready. and now i’m good. and now i’m ready. so let’s talk.

it’s not that you found me. i just finally stopped in my own tracks long enough to turn and see you. you’ve been so patient. you let me strive. you said nothing, even as you kept close. so tell me what it is, then. i’m done running. you can tell me anything now.