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just before.

God’s face becomes visible the longer you go without what’s yours, and just before the miracle arrives. when you don’t have what you want, the world appears dark. you look around and what you want is not there or it isn’t for you yet. you’re reeling until you’re reminded you need the light to survive. so you start looking, hard. and you’re looking everywhere.

your eyes adjust to take in the faintest pinpricks. the more light you see, the more light you can see, until all of a sudden you realize the only reason you have this beautiful relationship with the light, always seeking to find, is that you didn’t get to have what you wanted. you didn’t have it to look at, so you struggled and strained to make sense in the dark, until God’s face came suddenly into view.

even as the divine exists everywhere, one must look to be able to see. when the unfolding aligns with your preferences, you have to put effort into staying grateful and humble. to want what you have, understanding it could be removed as quickly as it came and that loss would serve only to deepen your trust. when life is hard, you have to look for the light and for your faith, with everything you have, even as the desert stretches on and your hands remain empty.

the light is always there, this relationship is always, and you wouldn’t know until your faith finally meets God.