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happy now?

there is no honor in waiting to be happy. if we are waiting for people or situations to change before we can be happy, we forego the opportunity to discover what would make us happy in this present moment. this is how time becomes our prison –it becomes scarce– and all of a sudden, we are chasing it or counting down, instead of fully appreciating our greatest gift. while time is an illusion, it’s the one we want, and why we are here. time is how we experience. we get to see how everything becomes, including how we become.

waiting to be happy means exactly that. “happy” is an internal state; it is not “gratification” or “satisfaction” or “pleasure” or “peace” or “reward.” if these words meant the same as “happy,” we wouldn’t need them. it is true that we should learn to wait for the second marshmallow, to choose discipline without confusing it for deprivation. but can you be happy on day 1, the day you take the “before” picture? or did you plan to wait until you could put the “after” photo next to it? why would we choose fewer days of happiness?

as children, we either cannot yet hold all parts of ourselves or we are placed with adults that cannot model how to do this. so we learn to give our energy, parts of ourselves, away – whether it’s to relationships, to the power of authority, to our hopes, dreams and achievements, or to our maladaptive coping mechanisms. these are the ways we post-date our happiness and busy ourselves with longing.

the trouble is that people, places and things will never hold us the way we need to be held, or the way we want to be held, until we can bear to hold all of our own energy. as we bring all parts of ourselves back into the present, we get to find out what would make us happy in real time.